Author: export export

NEW GIMMICK!

Last night we had Euroguff Live as @subterranean_ Eddie Gufftweeted™ from a pub in Holland as the Edam fanciers tiptoed to the brink of exiting Euro 2012. No fewer than thirteen predictors have them as tournament winners.

OLD GIMMICK!

Who Should I Be Cheering For Today™?

Italy v Croatia, 5pm

Most Euroguffers have this down as a win for Italy, but three Dalmatians have the Croats being victorious.

Draw	Croatia win
Tim Henman	roy the hodgson
Bayer Neverlusen	Soccer Sage
Roy Hodgson	Letina lotagoals
Sepp Bladder
Simon Grayson
B B Foot
McFuddle ‘O Toole
Benny The Ball
Tom Laidlaw
Brown Fox
Arsenedof Nowhere
Septic Tank Charlton
Bring Back Bobby Robson
Naven Johnson
Canary
Wicked Woy Wodgson
Hatch’s Heros
The Special [Measures] One
Normski Gunner
Del Garnett

Spain v Ireland, 7.45pm

A fierce game for the Irish. No fewer that sixty-tree Euroguffers see this as an open goal for the, er, reigning world and European champions. Mr Awesome sticks his neck out for a draw but someone buy Claudio Inglesias Failte a pint of Guinness, a packet of Taito and a large Jameson chaser! Green-blooded Claud stands grand as the only player to have Ireland down to win this fecker. The same Claude recently got into trouble with his wife when he bet their house on Jedward for Eurovision.

 – Claude, yesterday

	Martin Sorrell	Shareholders	Total
1=	Simoneo Huesserelli	Simon Huesser	16
1=	Mrs Euroguff	Mrs Carlosfandango_	16
3=	Tim Henman	david hickson	14
3=	Sepp Bladder	Carl Mesner Lyons	14
3=	Brown Fox	Jim Chambers	14
3=	Arsenedof Nowhere	Darren Hanson	14
3=	Yankee’s Spankers	Dave Robertshaw	14
3=	Paulo Di Harringtonio	Paul Harrington	14
3=	Hansi Mueller	Bernd Friedle	14
3=	Vuvuzela	Sandra Benfer	14
3=	Stevie’s Wunders	Steve Andrews	14
12=	2012sheds	Pete smith	12
12=	Steve Mclaren	JT	12
12=	Don revie	Simon Andrews	12
12=	Bring Back Bobby Robson	Dan Jamieson	12
12=	Is Pele Playing?	John Orta	12
12=	Kicker Conspiracy	Tim Fiddies	12
12=	Gazza	Gary Taylor	12
12=	Wheat Dodger	Leanne McGirr	12
12=	Wicked Woy Wodgson	David Patterson	12
12=	Fabio Crapello	Martin B	12
12=	Christophe Woodini	Chris Wood	12
12=	Del Garnett	Darren Gavigan	12
12=	Swiss T	Thomas Angst	12
25=	Andy Grey	Darren Holdaway	10
25=	Bayer Neverlusen	Rob Broome	10
25=	El Pringle	Keith Pringle	10
25=	Simon Grayson	Paul Revy	10
25=	B B Foot	Rory	10
25=	Benny The Ball	Nick Townend	10
25=	Scotty McNasty	Andrew Robb	10
25=	Earsane Wanger	Paul Shaw	10
25=	Toy Dodgson	Kelsey O	10
25=	Ivor Greatidea	Steve Edney	10
25=	Naven Johnson	Eddie Vassallo	10
25=	Bill Shankly	Bob Steadman	10
25=	Trap A Tony	Tony Power	10
25=	The Special [Measures] One	Tim Donnelly Smith	10
25=	Normski Gunner	Norman House	10
40=	DK Willy	DK	8
40=	Roy Hodgson	John Catterfeld	8
40=	Mike Bassett	Eamonn Newell	8
40=	roy the hodgson	harvey	8
40=	McFuddle ‘O Toole	Gordon	8
40=	Ronaldo McDonald	Cephas Howard	8
40=	Harry Redface	Dan McGrath	8
40=	Septic Tank Charlton	Jeremy Crisp	8
40=	Toy Bodgson	Tom Barton	8
40=	Canary	Simon Barnes	8
40=	Soccer Sage	Mike Xenakis	8
40=	Anjusha Klins-Morinho	Anna Wilson	8
40=	Big Ron Colonel Saunders	Andrew Hartland	8
40=	Hatch’s Heros	Chris Matthews	8
40=	Letina lotagoals	Berry	8
40=	Strev87	dave strevett	6
56=	Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box)	Matt Brooke-Smith	6
56=	Tom Laidlaw	Tom Laidlaw	6
56=	George Osborne is a twat	Andy Young	6
56=	Mr. Awesome	Geroge Pokorny	6
56=	Mozzer	Paul Conroy	6
56=	Messi Gardener	Johnny T	6
56=	Claudio Inglesias Failte	Claude Tonna-Barthet	6
56=	Dirk Diggler	Nik Goodman	6
64	Lorem Ipsum	Jon D	4
65	Dario Made-the-Gradi	David of Crook	2!!!!!

INTRODUCING THE OFFICIAL EUROGUFF LOGO!

Thanks to Harry Redface, aka Dan McGrath

The Euroguff word and device are registered trademarks of Euroguff Industries – a wholly-owned subsidiary of Mr Byrite.

Anglophile Eddie, the Texan Sicilian, is reporting LIVE for Euroguff in Holland. Yes, it's a beautiful, global game people.

Even Hans Christian Andersen couldn’t make it up. The princes of Denmark suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and still hung on to a one-nil win over the cloggy Dutch. 

Germany 1-0 Portugal

Ronaldo was left doing his Nick Clegg sad face as the Germans got off to a solid start – closet rockabilly Mario Gomez quiffing home the winning goal 

Spain v Italy

What a mouthwatering mediterranean feast this should be. The reigning world and European champions come into the tournament as such favourites that just three Euroguffers (Andy Grey, Scotty McNasty and Harry Redface) have the Italians stopping the Spanish walking off with, ahem, a paella goals.

Ireland v Croatia

Come on Ireland! Giovanni Trapattoni’s boys arrive with a gesture-laden confidence. This poll in today’s Irish Independent is surely not a sign of inflated expectations: 

Statistically slightly more valid league table

Yes, my wife is in the lead. I am not fixing it (but I am hoping to get out of mowing the lawn today)

	Tax name	Tax avoidance name	Total
1=	Brown Fox	Jim Chambers	6
1=	Mrs Euroguff	Mrs Carlosfandango_	6
1=	Wheat Dodger	Leanne McGirr	6
1=	Wicked Woy Wodgson	David Patterson	6
1=	Swiss T	Thomas Angst	6
6=	Andy Grey	Darren Holdaway	4
6=	2012sheds	Pete smith	4
6=	Mike Bassett	Eamonn Newell	4
6=	McFuddle ‘O Toole	Gordon	4
6=	Strev87	dave strevett	4
6=	Steve Mclaren	JT	4
6=	Don revie	Simon Andrews	4
6=	Earsane Wanger	Paul Shaw	4
6=	Toy Dodgson	Kelsey O	4
6=	Arsenedof Nowhere	Darren Hanson	4
6=	Septic Tank Charlton	Jeremy Crisp	4
6=	Simoneo Huesserelli	Simon	4
6=	Bring Back Bobby Robson	Dan Jamieson	4
6=	Naven Johnson	Eddie Vassallo	4
6=	Is Pele Playing?	John Orta	4
6=	Toy Bodgson	Tom Barton	4
6=	Soccer Sage	Mike Xenakis	4
6=	Yankee’s Spankers	Dave Robertshaw	4
6=	Vuvuzela	Sandra Benfer	4
6=	Christophe Woodini	Chris Wood	4
6=	Hatch’s Heros	Chris Matthews	4
6=	Stevie’s Wunders	Steve Andrews	4
6=	Del Garnett	Darren Gavigan	4
29=	DK Willy	DK	2
29=	Tim Henman	david hickson	2
29=	Bayer Neverlusen	Rob Broome	2
29=	Sepp Bladder	Carl Mesner Lyons	2
29=	El Pringle	Keith Pringle	2
29=	Simon Grayson	Paul Revy	2
29=	roy the hodgson	harvey	2
29=	B B Foot	Rory	2
29=	Benny The Ball	Nick Townend	2
29=	Scotty McNasty	Andrew Robb	2
29=	Ronaldo McDonald	Cephas Howard	2
29=	Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box)	Matt Brooke-Smith	2
29=	Harry Redface	Dan McGrath	2
29=	George Osborne is a twat	Andy Young	2
29=	Mr. Awesome	Geroge Pokorny	2
29=	Kicker Conspiracy	Tim Fiddies	2
29=	Canary	Simon Barnes	2
29=	Gazza	Gary Taylor	2
29=	Paulo Di Harringtonio	Paul Harrington	2
29=	Mozzer	Paul Conroy	2
29=	Fabio Crapello	Martin B	2
29=	Anjusha Klins-Morinho	Anna Wilson	2
29=	Trap A Tony	Tony Power	2
29=	The Special [Measures] One	Tim Donnelly Smith	2
29=	Messi Gardener	Johnny T	2
29=	Claudio Inglesias Failte	Claude Tonna-Barthet	2
55=	Dario Made-the-Gradi	David of Crook	0
55=	Roy Hodgson	John Catterfeld	0
55=	Tom Laidlaw	Tom Laidlaw	0
55=	Ivor Greatidea	Steve Edney	0
55=	Lorem Ipsum	Jon D	0
55=	Bill Shankly	Bob Steadman	0
55=	Hansi Mueller	Bernd Friedle	0
55=	Big Ron Colonel Saunders	Andrew Hartland	0
55=	Normski Gunner	Norman House	0
55=	Letina lotagoals	Berry	0
55=	Dirk Diggler	Nik Goodman	0

The official Euro 2012 logo, which pops up as a TV interstitial with remarkable frequency. Questionned by the official Mrs Euroguff as “What’s that f@%king bit of lung?”

If you find anything funny that fellow Euroguffers might enjoy, then you can post to the blog by emailing??"Euroguff" <[email protected]>.

After a splendidly odd opening ceremony that was just two edits away from a creepy Aphex Twin video, Euro 2012 is under way

Poland v Greece was a cracking opener. After going a goal (and a man) down, there were devaluing rumours about the Germans having to come on and bail the Greeks out. In the end, they didn't need it and would have won other than for??that saved penalty.

And weren't Russia good! No-one from the 65 (SIXTY FIVE!!) Euroguff predictors has them down as tournament winners – just two hardline communist sympathisers have them making the semis – Medals For Work in Agriculture??get pinned on Dave Bassett (Eamonn N) and Don Revie (Simon A).

I’m playing this Euroguff too of course, and in the (very) unlikely event that I do well, I don’t want anyone thinking I’m rigging it.

So, here are my entries, also recorded for public posterity at pastebin