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Coffee morning

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Boy George looks like Margaret Thatcher

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Fast-growing monsters nr Tower Bridge

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Alan Hansen looks like Action Man

with real moving eyes

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AJ from the Sopranos looks like Anne Widdecombe

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Darth Vader with his helmet off looks like Bob Dylan

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Ringo Starr looks like Gary Lineker

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Cary Grant looks like Bob Monkhouse

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Bill Oddie looks like Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)

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The Fast Show geezer looks like Furio from the Sopranos

Careful, I’ll nick it

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Cello-pain

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Wanting to play your new CD/DVD but being frustrated by the unnecessary and seamless cellophane packaging. Guaranteed to break teeth or require scissors that scratch the case.

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Ian Beale looks like Luke Skywalker

may the fawce be wiv’ you

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Crashpoint

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The fruitless jab-jabbing of your card in an ATM machine that is still chirpily displaying “thank you for using” long after the last customer has gone

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wurds

Words that you regularly mis-type, causing loss of concentration as you cursor back to fix them

eg, incerase for increase or filed for field

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Cousteau Cream

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A biscuit that breaks off during dunking and sinks to a wet, sugary grave of tea

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Hourbottom

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The clock you don’t know how to adjust so stays wrong by one hour until springtime

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Bah code

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The crumpled barcode on a plastic packet that the cashier has to grumpily type in manually

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Chonsil

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The little sticky-out bit inside your cheek due to accidentally, and painfully, biting yourself

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Toothwaste

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The toothpaste that falls into the sink when you knock the brush over while trying to put the cap back on

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Tile Fever

The hard to suppress excitement of knowing you have a fantastic seven letter word ready for your next turn at Scrabble.

It’s bittersweet because there’s there’s always the danger that that your opponent will spoil it by inadvertently going there