Author: carlosfandango

A phantom ring. When you reach in to your pocket to get your vibrating mobile only to find that you there’s no missed call and must have imagined it.

The hot trickle of water inside your ear after you get out of the swimming pool and violently shake your head to clear the block

The condemned soul employed by Pret a Manger to stand in front of you shuffling sandwiches around the shelves for all eternity

Minor typos in emails you’ve spotted buyt can’t be bothered to correct before sending.

Advanced, devious usage: deliberately mis-typing a word in an email you’ve just spent ages getting right in order to make it lookk like you just dashed it off casually

To have a second, squeaky clean, identity on Facebook to foil vetting by future employers

Any item of food that is routinely not eaten.

Best exemplified by the little white plastic bag of salad that comes – unrequested – with absolutely every delivery curry.

The ceaseless stream of superlatives and self-important nonsense spouted by critics, soiling pretty much any BBC rockumentary

”Everyone who was at that gig went away different people”
“Not many people bought the first Velvets album, but absolutely everyone who did went on to form a band”
“They created an imaginary world and invited you to join it”

The socially awkward situation created by an unsigned text message from someone who clearly assumes they’re in your phone book, but they’re not.

“Hi. It’s been ages. Wanna meet up next week?”

Feeling humbled because, no matter how good you’ve got (with a piece of software), there appear to be countless people on the web way better than you are

Accidentally trashing valuable information on your phone/computer when trying to be far too clever

The woozy, uncertain feeling walking down a stopped escalator on the Underground. You know it’s now a normal staircase, but your brain still says WAAAAA!!!

Checking your reflection in the mirror in a lift as soon as everyone has got out.

You’ve got about five seconds to gawp for food stuck between your front teeth before the doors open again.

A list of things you want to post to your blog but haven’t got round to doing

The ‘marital art’ of re-arranging the duvet by a series of undercover kicks and punches. Often used to move the buttoned bit to the bottom of the bed