Tag: words I made up

Any item of food that is routinely not eaten.

Best exemplified by the little white plastic bag of salad that comes – unrequested – with absolutely every delivery curry.

The ceaseless stream of superlatives and self-important nonsense spouted by critics, soiling pretty much any BBC rockumentary

”Everyone who was at that gig went away different people”
“Not many people bought the first Velvets album, but absolutely everyone who did went on to form a band”
“They created an imaginary world and invited you to join it”

The socially awkward situation created by an unsigned text message from someone who clearly assumes they’re in your phone book, but they’re not.

“Hi. It’s been ages. Wanna meet up next week?”

Feeling humbled because, no matter how good you’ve got (with a piece of software), there appear to be countless people on the web way better than you are

Accidentally trashing valuable information on your phone/computer when trying to be far too clever

The woozy, uncertain feeling walking down a stopped escalator on the Underground. You know it’s now a normal staircase, but your brain still says WAAAAA!!!

Checking your reflection in the mirror in a lift as soon as everyone has got out.

You’ve got about five seconds to gawp for food stuck between your front teeth before the doors open again.

A list of things you want to post to your blog but haven’t got round to doing

The ‘marital art’ of re-arranging the duvet by a series of undercover kicks and punches. Often used to move the buttoned bit to the bottom of the bed

Commonly ignored guidelines – such as the directions to leave a microwaved meal after cooking for two minutes ‘to stand’.

(cf: binutes)

The soothsaying appearance of Mini Coopers in a neighbourhood; the first sign of urban gentrification – precedes delicatessens, gastropubs and Starbucks by approximately 12 months

Being so bored on a delayed journey that you re-read the only newspaper you have, in the vain hope you’d missed something

That bit between Xmas and New Year when nothing happens

The expanding waistline that comes with heading towards 40

A film trailer that gives away too much of the plot

Continuing to wear unseasonal clothing in denial of winter’s arrival

The hackneyed bits of guff during on-hold messages that those listening don’t believe and those making it don’t think about

“All our call-handlers are very busy”, “we apologize for the delay” and “Your call is important to us”

The interminable sixty seconds of copyright at the start of a DVD that you can’t fast-forward through

Unexpectedly having to shake hands after a trip to the bathroom. You know they’re wet because you’ve washed them, but the other person can’t help suspecting that it’s wee

Giving your upmarket bar a downmarket name. eg, The Fulham Bar and Eating House

Eating house??