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Cary Grant looks like Bob Monkhouse

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Bill Oddie looks like Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)

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The Fast Show geezer looks like Furio from the Sopranos

Careful, I’ll nick it

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Cello-pain

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Wanting to play your new CD/DVD but being frustrated by the unnecessary and seamless cellophane packaging. Guaranteed to break teeth or require scissors that scratch the case.

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Ian Beale looks like Luke Skywalker

may the fawce be wiv’ you

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Crashpoint

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The fruitless jab-jabbing of your card in an ATM machine that is still chirpily displaying “thank you for using” long after the last customer has gone