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Idea for Swiss Eminem tribute act

Emmental.Β 

β€œSandwiches would be so empty – without me”
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Analyse this – Euroguff Day 23

No games today, so in Test Match Special stylee, I shall guff on about something tangential whilst alternating between an unfathomably posh voice and a heavily accented one. 

Here at Prediction Towers we love bit of nerdery, so away with anecdotes about cake, pigeons or passing buses, here’s a trip into the Euroguff analytics.

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Left to my own devices
42% of predictors used a mobile phone to get their hands on Euroguff news. That over-indexes against the expected platform distribution.
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Truly an international event
Visitors from fifteen countries have had their passports stamped with the Euroguff logo. I am particular intrigued to see that the game was accessed once from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. 

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Social media
62% of visits came via social referral, with Twitter being eight times more potent than facebook
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 – Mark Zuckerberg buying a commemorative plate for $1bn, yesterday

Who’s the Linux user!?
Bill Gates will not be happy that 78% of visits come from Euroguffers rocking Apple operating systems. Just 29% from Windows and there was one sweaty boffin using Linux lentilware.

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 – Bill Gates with the new Microsoft Surface tablet, yesterday

Euroguff archive
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The self preservation society – Euroguff day 22

Well done Balotelli
Are Italy peaking at the right moment?

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Spain v Italy – the Final
How Euroguffers see it. Not many had the Italians getting all the way to the final.
  • Spain: 37% to win the final and 31% to lose the final
  • Italy: 2% to win the final and 3% to lose the final
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Penultimate table after the two semi-final exits
Super Name Super Mario Name
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 76
2= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 64
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 64
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 64
5= Tim Henman david hickson 62
5= roy the hodgson harvey 62
5= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 62
5= Swiss T Thomas Angst 62
9= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
9= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
9= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 60
9= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 60
13= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 58
13= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
13= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
13= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 58
13= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
13= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 58
19= B B Foot Rory 56
19= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
19= Canary Simon Barnes 56
19= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 56
19= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 56
19= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 56
19= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 56
26= DK Willy DK 54
26= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 54
26= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 54
26= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
26= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
31= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 52
31= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 52
31= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
31= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 52
35= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 50
35= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 50
35= Don revie Simon Andrews 50
35= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
35= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 50
35= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 50
35= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 50
35= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 50
35= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
35= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 50
35= Trap A Tony Tony Power 50
46= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
46= Steve Mclaren JT 48
46= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 48
46= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
46= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 48
46= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 48
52= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
52= El Pringle Keith Pringle 44
52= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
52= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 44
56= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
56= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
56= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
56= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
56= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 42
56= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
62= Strev87 dave strevett 40
62= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
64 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36

How long does it take to make a piece of string?
Brilliant Euro 2012 animation

Tweet to the beat
http://euroguff.posterous.com/twitter-and-euroguff

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Paying the ultimate penalty – Euroguff day 21

People are ready to put Ronaldo on trial for Portugal's penalty exit, but he has declined to answer questions and has taken the fifth.

Either way, the Portugese are homeward bound,??so who gets to play Spain in the final?

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Semi Final 2: Germany v Italy
More guffpoints up for grabs tonight. 22% have Italy crying onto their carpaccio whereas 17% have the Germans weeping on their weisswurst????

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??-??Mario Ballotelli's hair farm, yesterday

Points with only two matches left

Fourth penalty Fifth penalty
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 76
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 64
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 64
4= Tim Henman david hickson 62
4= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 62
4= Swiss T Thomas Angst 62
7= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
7= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
7= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 60
7= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 60
11= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 58
11= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
11= roy the hodgson harvey 58
11= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
11= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 58
11= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
11= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 58
18= B B Foot Rory 56
18= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
18= Canary Simon Barnes 56
18= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 56
18= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 56
18= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 56
18= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 56
25= DK Willy DK 54
25= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 54
25= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
25= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
29= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 52
29= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
29= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 52
29= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 52
33= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 50
33= Don revie Simon Andrews 50
33= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
33= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 50
33= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 50
33= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 50
33= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 50
33= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 50
33= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
33= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 50
43= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 48
43= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
43= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
43= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 48
47= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 46
47= Trap A Tony Tony Power 46
49= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
49= El Pringle Keith Pringle 44
49= Steve Mclaren JT 44
49= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 44
49= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
49= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
49= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 44
56= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
56= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
56= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
56= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
56= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 42
56= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
62= Strev87 dave strevett 40
62= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
64 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36

Archive of all Euroguffery??
http://euroguff.posterous.com/

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Mano-a-mano – Euroguff day 20

NEW GIMMICK – Euroguff Quiz!
As every 1940s public schoolboy knows, the Iberian Peninsula is located in the extreme southwest of Europe and includes the modern-day sovereign states of Spain, Portugal and Andorra, as well as the British Overseas Territory Gambling Capital of Gibraltar.

As such, Iberia is the westernmost of the three major southern European peninsulas. But what are the other two? Answer at the end of this post.

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Semi Final 1: Spain v Portugal
29% of Euroguffers have Spain losing in the semi finals and 14% have Portugal going out tonight. Let's hope they play fair. We don't want to see anyone jamon it up.

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??- Ronaldo, with another new hairstyle, yesterday

Secrets of a WINNER
Paulo Di Harringtonio, currently leader of the pack (but not in that way) shares his prediction methodology. Paulo, an IT whizz-boffin linked up an authentic WWII Enigma machine to a ZX81 and a Microsoft Zune to compute all the permutations and spill out his match predictions.

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Quiz answer
s??lnsu??u??d u????l??q pu?? u????l????I

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http://euroguff.posterous.com??
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Official Prediction Game Baby – Euroguff day 19

Congratulations to Euroguffer Lorem Ipsum (@JonDavie) and wife Amanda. Jon may be languishing in 63rd position, but he is officially top of the world after fathering a small child in the early hours of yesterday morning.??

By the grace of God, the world's newest Scouser arrived at 4.30am Monday morning, thus avoiding England's penalty exit being his first experience of the world.
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??- Available in all good branches of Aldi, yesterday

Sort of NSFW
In case you've not seen this yet,??England Fan Flashes Italian Penalty Taker

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Your favourite football cliches
"It's a game of two halves" was particularly popular:

Andy Grey Ron Atkinson on Chile's options: "Chile have three options ??? they could win or they could lose. It???s up to them, the tide is in their court now."
DK Willy In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life
Tim Henman "Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes."?? – HRH Brian Clough
2012sheds gave it 110%
Dario Made-the-Gradi You just can't do that at this level!
Bayer Neverlusen "Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particuar job."
Roy Hodgson Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.
Sepp Bladder The world cup – truly an international event
El Pringle Interesting, very interesting.
Mike Bassett I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm just taking it one tie-breaker at a time.
Simon Grayson It's a bad time to concede ('cause there are good times??)
roy the hodgson football,bloody hell!
B B Foot At the end of the day
McFuddle 'O Toole Did you smash it?
Benny The Ball Like I said, we gave it 110% like I said.
Strev87 'Football is not a matter of life or death, but rather something more important'
Scotty McNasty For a big lad, he's good with his feet
Steve Mclaren If football was meant to be played in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there.
Ronaldo McDonald?? "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." Ron Atkinson

Or anything by Ron, hilarious :)??
Don revie Dirty Leeds
Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) The most important thing is that we got the three points (Wayne Bridge aka Trigger as Chelsea beat Arsenal in the Carling Cup Final)
Earsane Wanger It's a game of 2 halves innit?
Tom Laidlaw You don't win games without scoring goals.
Toy Dodgson It's balls in the back of the net that count….
Brown Fox I AM NOT A WHEELER DEALER.
Harry Redface Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaauuuuuuhhhhhhhhhaaaaawwwwwwwwww…Unbelievable!!!!! (Gary Neville – Torres Goal / Semi final Champion's League)
Ivor Greatidea I just hit it
George Osborne is a twat "These things tend to even themselves out over the course of a season"
Arsenedof Nowhere He's got a great left peg
Septic Tank Charlton Isn't it called soccer?
Simoneo Huesserelli Every game is a cup final now
Lorem Ipsum Football.?? Bloody Hell.
Bring Back Bobby Robson Pump it at the big man – England manager
Tiki taka my arse – England fan
We're just not very good at football – England Dan
Mr. Awesome Jose Mourinho is a little twat.
Naven Johnson I will lost this tiebreaker for sure πŸ˜‰
Mrs Euroguff Tremendous!
Is Pele Playing? It usually comes down to which team scores the most.
Toy Bodgson Football's just a branch of science
Kicker Conspiracy Eyebrows to the back stick
Canary Its a gmae of 2 halves
Soccer Sage The team that scores the most points will win.
Yankee's Spankers two world wars and one world cup, doodah, doodah
Bill Shankly Not so much a cliche, more the best fan shout I've ever heard.

At CPFC, Alan Pinkney was having a shocker. The shout went up "Pinkney, you're so shite they should take you off and bring on Perkney!!"

Gazza If Everton were playing at the bottom of the garden, I'd pull the curtains.
Paulo Di Harringtonio "Sh*t – did you see that?" – Alan Partridge
Mozzer Alex Ferguson

"Football. Bloody hell!"

Hansi Mueller after the match is before the match
Vuvuzela???? Andi M??ller: Mailand oder Madrid – Hauptsache Italien!

Andy Moeller: Milan or Madrid – mainly Italy!

Wheat Dodger It's a game of two halves.
Wicked Woy Wodgson I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.
Fabio Crapello It's a game of two halves…
Christophe Woodini It's a game of two halves??
Anjusha Klins-Morinho It's a game of two halves!
Big Ron Colonel Saunders its deja vue all over again
Hatch's Heros Six of one, half a dozen of another.
Trap A Tony I think there gonna try and nick one early door and then park the bus / shut up shop (delete as necessary).??
The Special [Measures] One "If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus."
Messi Gardener It's a game of two halves.??
Stevie's Wunders My heart goes out to the lads.??
Normski Gunner We need to give 110% to win this game and we will give that maximum effort today, Brian!
Claudio Inglesias Failte We were robbed
Letina lotagoals?? DES … It's the bitter tasting icing on the filthy tasting cake.?? …. I've e
Dirk Diggler "He's playing in the hole"
Del Garnett The boy's done good, you know, he's covered every inch of grass out there
Swiss T "With the offense you win games, but with the defense you win championships."

And here is the one I hate (consider that I am swiss and we are not participating): "Every defeat is a victory in itself."??

Euroguff University – West Germany v Italy, semi-final World Cup, Mexico 70
As a forerunner of Thursday's match, let's look back to a previous encounter (cold war nomenclature discounted) between these teams. A great match, in the days where games had jazz-samba soundtracks and incredible tracksuits.??Given that stretchers are mandatory today for cramp, it's quite astonishing that Beckenbauer dislocates his shoulder and just gets up by himself.

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Tweets for my tweet, sugar for my honey??
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Wimbledon starts today – Euroguff day 18

And I had so many ideas for headlines
"Anti pasta"; crude photoshops of the Italian Job; maybe a Cornetto reference or two. The lot!

If only Joe Hart had been to Euroguff University

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Well done to Italy
Fully deserved. And they saved us from what would have been exactly the same fate (but worse) v Germany on Thursday.

NEVER MIND!??
England may be out, but Euroguff is immortal. Three more games to go and anyone could win* All the quarter final exit points are now in, but there are 16 points still to play for.

Kafka Time Loop ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 72
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 64
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 64
4= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 62
4= Swiss T Thomas Angst 62
6= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
6= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
6= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 60
6= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 60
10= Tim Henman david hickson 58
10= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 58
10= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
10= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
10= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 58
10= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
16= B B Foot Rory 56
16= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
16= Canary Simon Barnes 56
16= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 56
16= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 56
16= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 56
22= DK Willy DK 54
22= roy the hodgson harvey 54
22= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 54
22= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
22= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
22= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 54
28= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 52
28= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
28= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 52
28= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
28= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 52
33= Don revie Simon Andrews 50
33= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
33= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 50
33= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 50
33= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 50
33= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 50
33= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
33= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 50
41= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 48
41= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
41= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
41= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 48
45= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
45= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 46
45= Trap A Tony Tony Power 46
48= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
48= El Pringle Keith Pringle 44
48= Steve Mclaren JT 44
48= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 44
48= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
48= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
48= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 44
55= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
55= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 42
55= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
55= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
55= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
55= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
61= Strev87 dave strevett 40
61= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
63= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 38
63= Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36

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Comfort Tweeting
http://euroguff.posterous.com/twitter-and-euroguff

* winners don't do drugs
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Hair today

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Will our boys get a semi? Euroguff day 17

The Germans await and, increasingly, England expects.??

How will the papers take the result? We asked Dr Emmet Brown to explain tabloid timelines:

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Free England hat!

Simply follow these instructions to support the Engerland

  1. Print out this bowler hat
  2. Ask an adult to use some scissors to carefully cut round the edge
  3. Use double-sided Sellotape and stick onto a Cornflakes packet
  4. That's it!
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Standings
Can anyone catch Paulo Di Harringtono?

My Name is, my name is Slim Shady ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 68
2= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
2= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 60
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 60
6= Tim Henman david hickson 58
6= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
6= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 58
6= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
6= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
6= Swiss T Thomas Angst 58
12= B B Foot Rory 56
12= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
12= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 56
12= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 56
12= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 56
17= DK Willy DK 54
17= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 54
17= roy the hodgson harvey 54
17= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
17= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
17= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
17= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 54
24= Canary Simon Barnes 52
24= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
24= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 52
24= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
24= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
29= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
29= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 50
29= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
32= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
32= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
32= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
32= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
32= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
37= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
37= Don revie Simon Andrews 46
37= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 46
37= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 46
37= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
37= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 46
37= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
37= Trap A Tony Tony Power 46
45= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
45= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
45= Steve Mclaren JT 44
45= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
45= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
45= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
51= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
51= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 42
51= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
51= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
51= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
51= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
51= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
58= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
58= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
58= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
58= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
62 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63= Strev87 dave strevett 36
63= Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36
65 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
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??- David Cameron offering moral guidance, yesterday

Up the Twitter

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Geo-wallpaper

Wow:

Satellite Eyes is a simple Mac app that automatically changes your desktop wallpaper to the satellite view of where you are, right now

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David Eagleman – Incognito

Bought this on a whim after hearing the author on Richard Bacon's Five Live show. It's an exploration of neuroscience and specifically the wonders of the subconscious.??

The most illuminating thought for me was around the de-centering of our conscious self. What that means is accepting that what we usually think of as ourselves is really just a tiny part of the whole brain. And in the same way we had to adapt to the earth not actually being the centre of the universe, it's rather sobering and wonderous to realise there's a lot more to our brains than the bits we can consciously access.

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The Hunger Game – Euroguff day 16

QF2: Germany v Greece – exclusive photograph

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QF3: France v Spain
On paper, wine-guzzling France should trounce their bull-bothering neighbours, but there are no easy games at this level

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??

Standings
Just four points were up for grabs for those who had Greece facing an impossible defecit last night

Greece name Grease name ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 64
2 Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
3= Tim Henman david hickson 58
3= Swiss T Thomas Angst 58
5= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 56
5= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
5= Fabio Crapello Martin B 56
5= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 56
9= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 54
9= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 54
9= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 54
9= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
9= Gazza Gary Taylor 54
14= B B Foot Rory 52
14= Canary Simon Barnes 52
14= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 52
14= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 52
14= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 52
14= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 52
14= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
14= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
22= DK Willy DK 50
22= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
22= roy the hodgson harvey 50
22= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
22= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 50
22= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
28= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
28= Mozzer Paul Conroy 48
28= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
28= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
32= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
32= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 46
32= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
32= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
32= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
32= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
38= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
38= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
38= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 44
38= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
38= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
38= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
38= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
45= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
45= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
45= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
45= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
45= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
45= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
45= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
45= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
45= Trap A Tony Tony Power 42
54= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
54= Steve Mclaren JT 40
54= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
54= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
54= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
59= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 38
59= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 38
59= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
59= Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63 Strev87 dave strevett 36
64 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

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Twitter, Twitter ??ber alles
http://euroguff.posterous.com/twitter-and-euroguff
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Some thoughts on Germany v Greece

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?????????????? ???????? ???? ?????????????? ???????? – Euroguff Day 15

Haloumi, Hallo you
I am typing this on one of those new retsina screens ahead of donertime tonight when Greece will pitta their skills against Germany.??May the feta team win.

Six percent of Ouzoguffers have Greece going out at this stage, and 11% have the Germans coming down from Mount Olympus.??
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The Greek teamsheet
But for hamstring injuries, and certain fantastical beasts, the Greek XI could have been heroic:
  1. Achilles, hero of the Trojan War and a central character in Homer's Iliad
  2. Ajax the Great, a hero of the Trojan War and king of Salamis
  3. Bellerophon, hero who slew the Chimera
  4. Daedalus, creator of the labyrinth and great inventor.
  5. Diomedes, a king of Argos (not the shop) and hero of the Trojan War
  6. Ganymede, Trojan hero and lover of Zeus, who was given immortality and appointed cup-bearer to the gods
  7. Jason, leader of the Argonauts
  8. Odysseus, a hero and king of Ithaca whose adventures are the subject of Homer's Odyssey
  9. Orpheus, a legendary musician and poet who attempted to retrieve his dead wife from the Underworld
  10. Perseus, son of Zeus and the founder-king of Mycenae and slayer of the Gorgon Medusa
  11. Theseus, son of Poseidon, a king of Athens and slayer of the Minotaur

Stand in the place where you were, now face north. Think about direction wonder why you haven't before
League table after last night's Ronaldo show. 48% of you correctly predicted a Czech exit at this stage.

Hummus Taramasalata ??
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 64
2 Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
3 Tim Henman david hickson 58
4= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 56
4= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
4= Fabio Crapello Martin B 56
4= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 56
8= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 54
8= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 54
8= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 54
8= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
8= Gazza Gary Taylor 54
8= Swiss T Thomas Angst 54
14= B B Foot Rory 52
14= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 52
14= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 52
14= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 52
14= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 52
14= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 52
20= DK Willy DK 50
20= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
20= roy the hodgson harvey 50
20= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
20= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 50
20= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
26= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 48
26= Canary Simon Barnes 48
26= Mozzer Paul Conroy 48
26= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
26= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 48
26= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
32= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 46
32= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 46
32= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
32= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
32= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
32= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
38= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
38= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
38= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
38= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
38= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
38= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
44= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
44= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
44= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
44= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
44= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
44= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
44= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
44= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
44= Trap A Tony Tony Power 42
53= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 40
53= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
53= Steve Mclaren JT 40
53= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
53= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 40
53= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 40
59= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 38
59= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 38
59= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
59= Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
63 Strev87 dave strevett 36
64 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

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Meet and tweet
http://euroguff.posterous.com/twitter-and-euroguff
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Drawn and quartered – Euroguff Day 14

Now it’s a knockout

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 – Ed Stewart Stuart Hall, yesterday

Prophets of doom
91% of Euroguffers incorrectly predicted the Greeks would have exited the Euro(s) by now, and 15% had no faith that England would get out of the group stages.
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TODAY’S BIG MATCH – Czech Rep. v Portugal

22% of Euroguffers thought Portugal would go out at this quarter final stage whereas a whopping 48% had their opponents Czeching out tonight. 

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 – Ronaldo hiding a zit, yesterday

NEW FEATURE – Euroguff University
#1 – the greatest penalty in Euroguff history
In 1976 the final was between Czechoslovakia and West Germany. After extra time, it was 2–2, and the first penalty shootout in a final ensued. The first seven kicks were converted and then Uli Hoeneß, ballooned his over the bar. With the score at 4–3, Antonin Panenka stepped up to take the fifth Czechoslovakian penalty. Legendary German goalkeeper Sepp Maier dived to his left, while Panenka chipped the ball straight down the middle of the net. It was the ultimate death or glory gamble – and it paid off. Just look at their faces! Panenka is still a hero to many and his name is synonymous with that type of shot.

Standings including points for guessing first round exits

  Quarter Master Quarter Pounder  
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 60
2= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
2= Yankee’s Spankers Dave Robertshaw 56
4= Tim Henman david hickson 54
4= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 54
6= B B Foot Rory 52
6= Ronaldo McDonald  Cephas Howard  52
6= Vuvuzela   Sandra Benfer 52
6= Fabio Crapello Martin B 52
6= Stevie’s Wunders Steve Andrews 52
6= Letina lotagoals  Berry 52
12= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 50
12= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 50
12= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 50
12= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 50
12= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 50
12= Gazza Gary Taylor 50
12= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 50
12= Swiss T Thomas Angst 50
20= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 48
20= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 48
20= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 48
20= Hatch’s Heros Chris Matthews 48
20= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 48
20= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 48
26= DK Willy DK 46
26= roy the hodgson harvey 46
26= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 46
26= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 46
26= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 46
26= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 46
26= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 46
33= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 44
33= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
33= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 44
33= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 44
33= Canary Simon Barnes 44
33= Mozzer Paul Conroy 44
33= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 44
40= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 42
40= Don revie Simon Andrews 42
40= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 42
40= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 42
40= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 42
40= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 42
40= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 42
40= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
48= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 40
48= El Pringle Keith Pringle 40
48= Steve Mclaren JT 40
48= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 40
48= Normski Gunner Norman House 40
53= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 38
53= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 38
53= McFuddle ‘O Toole Gordon  38
53= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 38
53= Trap A Tony Tony Power 38
53= Messi Gardener Johnny T  38
59= Strev87 dave strevett 36
59= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 36
59= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 36
59= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 36
63= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 34
63= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 34
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 32

Countdown to Sunday – the England hype machine stirs

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They Told Him Don’t You Ever Come Around Here
Don’t Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear
The Fire’s In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear

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Double helix phone cord

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In praise of the Fifth Official – Euroguff day 13

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Homeward bound
Screen_shot_2012-06-20_at_06

Standings at the end of the group stage
Note that this does not include points for predicting which eight teams have now gone out of the tournament. 

Those will be revealed tomorrow…

  Hawk-eye Fork-eye  
1= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 32
1= Yankee’s Spankers Dave Robertshaw 32
1= Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 32
4= Tim Henman david hickson 30
4= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 30
4= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 30
4= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 30
8= B B Foot Rory 28
8= Vuvuzela   Sandra Benfer 28
8= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 28
8= Fabio Crapello Martin B 28
8= Stevie’s Wunders Steve Andrews 28
13= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 26
13= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 26
13= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 26
13= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 26
13= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 26
13= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 26
13= Gazza Gary Taylor 26
13= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 26
13= Swiss T Thomas Angst 26
22= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 24
22= 2012sheds Pete smith 24
22= El Pringle Keith Pringle 24
22= Steve Mclaren JT 24
22= Ronaldo McDonald  Cephas Howard  24
22= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 24
22= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 24
22= Hatch’s Heros Chris Matthews 24
22= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 24
22= Letina lotagoals  Berry 24
22= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 24
33= DK Willy DK 22
33= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 22
33= roy the hodgson harvey 22
33= McFuddle ‘O Toole Gordon  22
33= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 22
33= Don revie Simon Andrews 22
33= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 22
33= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 22
33= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 22
33= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 22
33= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 22
33= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 22
45= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 20
45= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 20
45= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 20
45= Canary Simon Barnes 20
45= Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 20
45= Mozzer Paul Conroy 20
45= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 20
45= Normski Gunner Norman House 20
45= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 20
54= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 18
54= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 18
54= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 18
54= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 18
54= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 18
54= Trap A Tony Tony Power 18
54= Messi Gardener Johnny T  18
61= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 16
61= Strev87 dave strevett 16
61= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 16
64 Lorem Ipsum Jon D 14
65 Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 12
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
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You gotta dance like nobody’s watching

Ukraine fan dances himself dizzy during Donetsk downpour

Thanks Jim; via http://www.whoateallthepies.tv
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The Return of Rooney – Euroguff Day 12

The big day. Again

England need at least a draw to go through and likely play Spain on Saturday or maybe a thumping win will mean they meet Italy on Sunday.

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England v Ukraine
49 blind patriots have England down to re-release Three Lions, 14 have a draw and two have Roy Hodgson being portrayed as a Chicken Kiev in tomorrow’s tabloids.

Draw Something Tabloid Hell
Tim Henman Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box)
Bayer Neverlusen Claudio Inglesias Failte
Sepp Bladder  
Benny The Ball  
Don revie  
George Osborne is a twat  
Mr. Awesome  
Bill Shankly  
Wicked Woy Wodgson  
Christophe Woodini  
Trap A Tony  
The Special [Measures] One  
Messi Gardener  
Del Garnett  

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 – Andy Carroll, representing England, yesterday

Sweden v France
39 have Les Bleus being formidable, with 22 opting for entente cordiale and a flat pack four have an ikea that it’ll be the Swedes that do the mashing.

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 – Laurent Blanc, discussing Mark Lawrenson, yesterday

Ace of Base
Bof
Tim Henman Dario Made-the-Gradi
Benny The Ball Roy Hodgson
Mr. Awesome Sepp Bladder
Dirk Diggler Mike Bassett
  Simon Grayson
  roy the hodgson
  McFuddle ‘O Toole
  Scotty McNasty
  Earsane Wanger
  Toy Dodgson
  Brown Fox
  Harry Redface
  Arsenedof Nowhere
  Septic Tank Charlton
  Lorem Ipsum
  Mrs Euroguff
  Toy Bodgson
  Kicker Conspiracy
  Canary
  Hansi Mueller
  Claudio Inglesias Failte
  Swiss T
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Stand by your man
  Name of the Lord Name of the Lordy Lordy Total
1= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 30
1= Yankee’s Spankers Dave Robertshaw 30
1= Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 30
4= Tim Henman david hickson 28
4= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 28
4= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 28
4= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 28
8= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 26
8= B B Foot Rory 26
8= Vuvuzela   Sandra Benfer 26
8= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 26
8= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 26
8= Fabio Crapello Martin B 26
8= Stevie’s Wunders Steve Andrews 26
15= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 24
15= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 24
15= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 24
15= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 24
15= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 24
15= Gazza Gary Taylor 24
15= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 24
15= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 24
15= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 24
15= Swiss T Thomas Angst 24
25= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 22
25= 2012sheds Pete smith 22
25= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 22
25= El Pringle Keith Pringle 22
25= Steve Mclaren JT 22
25= Ronaldo McDonald  Cephas Howard  22
25= Don revie Simon Andrews 22
25= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 22
25= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 22
25= Hatch’s Heros Chris Matthews 22
25= Letina lotagoals  Berry 22
36= DK Willy DK 20
36= roy the hodgson harvey 20
36= McFuddle ‘O Toole Gordon  20
36= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 20
36= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 20
36= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 20
36= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 20
36= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 20
36= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 20
45= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 18
45= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 18
45= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 18
45= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 18
45= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 18
45= Canary Simon Barnes 18
45= Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 18
45= Mozzer Paul Conroy 18
45= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 18
45= Trap A Tony Tony Power 18
45= Messi Gardener Johnny T  18
45= Normski Gunner Norman House 18
57= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 16
57= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 16
57= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 16
57= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 16
61= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 14
61= Strev87 dave strevett 14
61= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 14
64= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 12
64= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 12
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The best second language to learn

When I was a kid, it was supposedly German.

Now, apparently, Spanish is the popular choice.

It’s a bit Smart Alec to say this, but I think the most useful second
language to have would be HTML.