carlosfandango

a cocky waiter who memorises your order instead of writing it down – leaving you with the nagging feeling that he’s bound to get something wrong

rogue over-the-shoulder seatbelts in a black cab that won’t budge whether pulled forcefully, teased gently or sworn at

purving – to tug pointlessly at said seatbelt whilst hoping the driver doesn’t bump into anything

The inevitability that 90% of clementines in a brimming fruitbowl will end up being thrown away

the victorious feeling when an arriving tube comes to a standstill with its doors exactly where you are – giving you a clear run at the last available seat

The joy at getting past the halfway point in a paperback

a new rude word

To reach that point where you have eaten so much bad food (esp. over xmas) that you finally get the motivation to go on a diet/start exercising

Annoyance at seeing lose invariably mis-spelt as loose

Comic mis-spellings created by errant use of mobiles phones’ inbuilt text dictionaries. e.g. I wolf you up this morning (woke)

Smessing up can be serendipitous – buffle is an improvement on cuddle, for example

The central spine of crumbly chocolate that cements the rest of the Terry’s Chocolate Orange together. A nice bonus bit you feel guilty about snaffling

Waking up with marks on your body caused by deep sleep next to fabric patterns & creases. They often resemble spectacular body art or, one one memorable occasion, Scalextric tracks

Indecision about whether to bite off one of those tiny white spots at the end of your tongue

A person who distracts their tv-watching partner with random, unlikely fidgets

The life-sapping parade of illuminated posters in airport terminals advertising business gadgets and management consultancies

a person who comes across as a grumpy pants, but reality they’re just too ashamed of their bad teeth to smile

speaking utter guff in a very sincere voice whilst asleep

finding a receipt in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn for ages, allowing you to identify when you last wore it

uncomfortable after-work team drinks arranged by a well-intentioned new manager, when you’d all rather be on your way home

the sense of relief when getting back into bed after having had a pee in the middle of the night, safe in the knowledge that you don’t have to get up again