Month: June 2012

Even Hans Christian Andersen couldn’t make it up. The princes of Denmark suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and still hung on to a one-nil win over the cloggy Dutch. 

Germany 1-0 Portugal

Ronaldo was left doing his Nick Clegg sad face as the Germans got off to a solid start – closet rockabilly Mario Gomez quiffing home the winning goal 

Spain v Italy

What a mouthwatering mediterranean feast this should be. The reigning world and European champions come into the tournament as such favourites that just three Euroguffers (Andy Grey, Scotty McNasty and Harry Redface) have the Italians stopping the Spanish walking off with, ahem, a paella goals.

Ireland v Croatia

Come on Ireland! Giovanni Trapattoni’s boys arrive with a gesture-laden confidence. This poll in today’s Irish Independent is surely not a sign of inflated expectations: 

Statistically slightly more valid league table

Yes, my wife is in the lead. I am not fixing it (but I am hoping to get out of mowing the lawn today)

	Tax name	Tax avoidance name	Total
1=	Brown Fox	Jim Chambers	6
1=	Mrs Euroguff	Mrs Carlosfandango_	6
1=	Wheat Dodger	Leanne McGirr	6
1=	Wicked Woy Wodgson	David Patterson	6
1=	Swiss T	Thomas Angst	6
6=	Andy Grey	Darren Holdaway	4
6=	2012sheds	Pete smith	4
6=	Mike Bassett	Eamonn Newell	4
6=	McFuddle ‘O Toole	Gordon	4
6=	Strev87	dave strevett	4
6=	Steve Mclaren	JT	4
6=	Don revie	Simon Andrews	4
6=	Earsane Wanger	Paul Shaw	4
6=	Toy Dodgson	Kelsey O	4
6=	Arsenedof Nowhere	Darren Hanson	4
6=	Septic Tank Charlton	Jeremy Crisp	4
6=	Simoneo Huesserelli	Simon	4
6=	Bring Back Bobby Robson	Dan Jamieson	4
6=	Naven Johnson	Eddie Vassallo	4
6=	Is Pele Playing?	John Orta	4
6=	Toy Bodgson	Tom Barton	4
6=	Soccer Sage	Mike Xenakis	4
6=	Yankee’s Spankers	Dave Robertshaw	4
6=	Vuvuzela	Sandra Benfer	4
6=	Christophe Woodini	Chris Wood	4
6=	Hatch’s Heros	Chris Matthews	4
6=	Stevie’s Wunders	Steve Andrews	4
6=	Del Garnett	Darren Gavigan	4
29=	DK Willy	DK	2
29=	Tim Henman	david hickson	2
29=	Bayer Neverlusen	Rob Broome	2
29=	Sepp Bladder	Carl Mesner Lyons	2
29=	El Pringle	Keith Pringle	2
29=	Simon Grayson	Paul Revy	2
29=	roy the hodgson	harvey	2
29=	B B Foot	Rory	2
29=	Benny The Ball	Nick Townend	2
29=	Scotty McNasty	Andrew Robb	2
29=	Ronaldo McDonald	Cephas Howard	2
29=	Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box)	Matt Brooke-Smith	2
29=	Harry Redface	Dan McGrath	2
29=	George Osborne is a twat	Andy Young	2
29=	Mr. Awesome	Geroge Pokorny	2
29=	Kicker Conspiracy	Tim Fiddies	2
29=	Canary	Simon Barnes	2
29=	Gazza	Gary Taylor	2
29=	Paulo Di Harringtonio	Paul Harrington	2
29=	Mozzer	Paul Conroy	2
29=	Fabio Crapello	Martin B	2
29=	Anjusha Klins-Morinho	Anna Wilson	2
29=	Trap A Tony	Tony Power	2
29=	The Special [Measures] One	Tim Donnelly Smith	2
29=	Messi Gardener	Johnny T	2
29=	Claudio Inglesias Failte	Claude Tonna-Barthet	2
55=	Dario Made-the-Gradi	David of Crook	0
55=	Roy Hodgson	John Catterfeld	0
55=	Tom Laidlaw	Tom Laidlaw	0
55=	Ivor Greatidea	Steve Edney	0
55=	Lorem Ipsum	Jon D	0
55=	Bill Shankly	Bob Steadman	0
55=	Hansi Mueller	Bernd Friedle	0
55=	Big Ron Colonel Saunders	Andrew Hartland	0
55=	Normski Gunner	Norman House	0
55=	Letina lotagoals	Berry	0
55=	Dirk Diggler	Nik Goodman	0

The official Euro 2012 logo, which pops up as a TV interstitial with remarkable frequency. Questionned by the official Mrs Euroguff as “What’s that f@%king bit of lung?”

If you find anything funny that fellow Euroguffers might enjoy, then you can post to the blog by emailing??"Euroguff" <[email protected]>.

After a splendidly odd opening ceremony that was just two edits away from a creepy Aphex Twin video, Euro 2012 is under way

Poland v Greece was a cracking opener. After going a goal (and a man) down, there were devaluing rumours about the Germans having to come on and bail the Greeks out. In the end, they didn't need it and would have won other than for??that saved penalty.

And weren't Russia good! No-one from the 65 (SIXTY FIVE!!) Euroguff predictors has them down as tournament winners – just two hardline communist sympathisers have them making the semis – Medals For Work in Agriculture??get pinned on Dave Bassett (Eamonn N) and Don Revie (Simon A).

I’m playing this Euroguff too of course, and in the (very) unlikely event that I do well, I don’t want anyone thinking I’m rigging it.

So, here are my entries, also recorded for public posterity at pastebin

So here we go!??The start of Euro 2012.??

At time of writing, there are??54??players in this lovely little Euroguff game. I will show my pleasant nature by embracing late??entrants up until the first match kicks off.

If you're a??twitter user, please use??#euroguff??when tweeting about/during the games??to get a sense of camaraderie amongst us. I have set up a list of??all known player twitter names here??(you may need to be logged into twitter on the web for this to work).

I have invited you all to??contribute to this blog. You can either directly comment on the posts, or reply to the emails that come from Posterous. Generally, if you see anything interesting or funny, send it on to me.

Poland v Greece 5pm – BBC

69% of Euroguff players see this as a home win for Poland, which indeed it would be as the game is taking place in Warsaw.

Just four brave souls see the Greece bailing themselves out in drachmatic (ahem) fashion. These mythical heroes are Dario Made-the-Gradi, Toy Bodgson, Yankee's Spankers and Anjusha Klins-Morinho.

Russia v Czech Republic, 7.45pm ITV

Russia come into this game in fighting shape, being unbeaten in 14 matches and having made antipasta of Italy in a 3-0 win last Friday. The Euroguff comrades are uniformly confident that this will go to form:??

Russian march for victory – 39%

Cold war style stalemate – 44%

Czech mate – 17%

Enjoy the games. Next update tomorrow morning, including the Statistically Misleading Early League Table(TM)